you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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