how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How does one acquire holy water?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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