i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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