Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize