I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
