I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
