Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
