I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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