Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
