sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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