Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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