I just threw up on my dentist
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
