New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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