Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize