a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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