wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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