Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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