My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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