I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my sisters under your porch take her home
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
