i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
