Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
