the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
