she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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