Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
