well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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