he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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