I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My first STD was from a foam party
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
