I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
