saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
