Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
the liver wants what the liver wants
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
