you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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