He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
