Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
