things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
