I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
