i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
