i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
