forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
