They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
