There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
