Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
