shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
