and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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