I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
