i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Is it because I queefed?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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