Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
