we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
