i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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