I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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