Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
