I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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