I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
