I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
