My sheets look like a crime scene.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
