it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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