Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
