sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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