Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Let's get the cat blown out
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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