i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
