??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you would pick up someone in the library
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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