He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
