He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
