I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize